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We had a great time at the New York Comic con. It’s always great to meet fans and make new ones. April dressed up each day she was at the show.
Wilson got to meet one of his favorite actors.
And I got to meet some of our fans.
April did some commisions.
All in all we had a great time but we are tired now.
This isn’t a first date story it’s a first sex story. “Nick” and “Nora” had been dating for a couple months but they were younger (16 & 17) and she wanted to wait till she was sure. They had planned for weeks. It was going to be in her bedroom so they figured they would cut school one friday and just have the house to themselves for a couple of hours.
Now Nick had gone the whole 9. Since they were 2 broke Highschool kids Nick had packed a picnic basket. He figured it would be as romantic as they could afford to get. He had even stolen a bottle of wine from his parents collection. They were in the middle of Nora's bedroom sitting on the floor eating sandwiches and drinking wine. This was not Nick’s first time but it was Nora’s and he planned to make it as special as he could.
As with all plans things don’t always go the way they should. Nora's mom had locked her keys in her car. So Nora’s dad had run home on his lunch break to pick up the spare keys. So when the 2 teens had gotten naked and in bed together making out they didn’t hear the dad drive up. They did hear him open the door though. With a quick look out her window Nora realized her dad was home.
Nick thinking quickly said. “if he comes up here pretend to be sick.” Nick quickly piled everything in the blanket including the half drank bottle of wine and most of his clothes while Norah tossed her clothes in her closet and started putting on pajamas. He then jumped out the window. Fortunately Norah’s window was right over the roof that covered the porch. Unfortunately the roof was slippery. So now Nick is naked sliding off of the roof with what looks like a blanket full of stolen goods.
Nick fall/jumps drops of the porch roof and lands just next to Nora’s father’s car. Nick tried to get dress but he realized 2 important things. One, everything is covered in wine and 2 he had grabbed Norahs clothes by accident. When Nick told me this story he said the next thing he did was the most brilliant and stupid thing he had done in his life. He ran into the back yard and hid in the dog house.
He figured that Nora’s father would be in and out. Nope. Nora was too good at pretending to be sick. Her father decided to take the rest of the day off and dote on his little girl. Nick was in the dog house for 3 hours. Not until Nora’s father left to drop off the keys he had come home for. Five minutes later Nick was knocking on the back door wrapped in a blanket.
Now Nora had no idea that Nick was still around. She just thought he had left and went home. This was back in the 80’s so they didn’t have cell phones to text each other. So she was a little confused when she found nick there.
“What are you doing? Why do you smell like that?” Nora Asked.
“Our clothes got mixed up. I had to hide in the dog House.”
“Oh god! I’m so sorry!!! I thought you went home.”
“I can’t, my wallet and keys are in my pants. Get me my clothes quick and I’ll get out of here. I’ll call you when I get home.”
Nick walked to his car a beaten man. He was kicking himself because he really wanted their first time to be special. His first time had been a disaster and he didn’t want that for Nora. and on top of that his car had a ticket on it.
Except it wasn’t a ticket. It was a note from Nora’s Dad.
Sorry things didn’t work out the way you planned. Saw you hide in Rusty’s dog house. Figured I would have some fun and mess with your head. Me and the misses are going out next weekend. Wear condoms or I will bury you next to where I buried Rusty.
A friend of mine told me his dating anniversary is in 2 weeks… The problem is he wants to break up with his girl friend and doesn’t know if he should do it before or after the anniversary. This to me is a no brainer, do it now, get it over quick like a band aid but I understand a guy’s hesitancy. Ladies here is a little secret, most guys have no defense against tears and the fear is that if you break up with a woman it will end with her just crying her eyes out. Even if she never cried in all the time you were dating we have that fear. Somehow her cat getting killed, her grandmother who raised her having a cancer scare and almost losing an arm in a car accident never made her cry but a guy she has dated for 2 months breaking up with her is going to make her turn into a 4 year old girl. (Guys are not that bright, but we do have an inflated ego. Hey!!! That ego is the only way we get a date to begin with.)
Anyway this got me thinking of one of the craziest break up stories I have ever heard/been part of. So this guy “Anthony” had been in a long distance relationship for going on 2 years and it was stressful. He was constantly trying to juggle his schedule so he could spend time with his girlfriend but he always felt he spent more time traveling to meet her then actually spending time with her. What was also the killer was he constantly had to go see her. She didn’t have a car so he did all the driving. He finally sacks up and decides to break up with her and immediately a weight is lifted from his shoulders. He starts making plans with his friends again and all that needs to be done is the actual break up.
He decides why wait, the minute he can he texts her to make sure she is free that weekend so he can come up. He knows it will be rough but better to just get it over. So apparently she is part witch and calls him back. He makes the mistake of saying we have to talk and she immediately goes into freak out mode. She drags it out of him after him saying it should wait till the weekend he wants to tell her in person. Finally he tells her they should break up, over the phone. Now guys are guys. We want to do the right thing but if you give us a chance to do the easy thing we will jump on it. After she hung up on him he thought he got away with the easy thing.
Fast forward 2 days it’s Saturday night and we are all playing cards. I like to say it was a manly game like poker but actually it was 5 guys playing Magic – The Gathering. I know what you are thinking 5 guys playing magic on a Saturday night… GEEK!!! And you’re not wrong, but geeks get girls too. Hence this break up story.
So we are playing Magic waiting on some chinese food to be delivered. However the knock at the door was not the food we were waiting for but rather a very angry young lady and a sheepish looking guy.
It seems Anthony’s newly dubbed Ex-girlfriend talked some guy into driving 2 hours so she can give Anthony a piece of his mind. So now you have a recently broken up couple on a porch talking because she doesn’t want to go into his house with all his friends there. A guy sitting in a car waiting, probably hoping for sex (It’s really the only reason I can see driving a girl 2 hours to yell at her boyfriend.) Enter the Chinese food. This poor guy comes to deliver some food gets out of his car and hears a woman scream “Is this cause I wouldn’t dress up like Wonder Woman?” I can only imagine the look on the poor guys face. When Anthony came in to the house to get the money for the chinese food he found everyone trying to hold in there laughter. Guys are assholes and one guy said “Was it the Wonder Woman Costume? Cause you probably could have talked her into a Black Widow costume. “
Anthony just responded with a simple “Dick.” before he went back outside.
Finally Anthony comes back about 2 hours later.
Me: How did it go?
Anthony: It Sucked, but I think it was for the best. I feel like such a dick. Not just for breaking up with her on the phone but the entire time we were talking all I kept thinking was. It’s Cold!!! She is there in a hoodie and I don’t even have shoes on.
Me: Well have a drink that will warm you up. Hey did you hit your arm while you were outside?
I had noticed a bruise.
Anthony: No that crazy girl kept hitting me. The first time I let it go but after a while I was starting to rethink my feelings on hitting a woman.
Relationships can be hard and sometimes you need to take a moment and see if this is really the right person for you. And if you realize you are with the wrong person you can either have the break up, talk or you can fake your own death. There is a wiki article on it so it must be something a lot of people have thought about.
So a friend of mine, “Lee”, received a text from a girl he had met a few times asking him out. “Lee” was hesitant because he didn’t think they had much in common but decided why the hell not? He might be wrong, plus she put herself out there by asking him out and figured that at least he should be able to have a good time.
Instead of a regular date they decide to meet for drinks. Lee wasn’t sure what to expect of the evening but here are a few of the highlights he told me about. Lee was too nice to say this stuff but the Italics is what he thought.
Date: “So what is your type? I normally date good looking or athletic guys but I figure I should try someone a little different.”
Did she call just call me ugly?
Date: Yeah I have 2 jobs and my own company.
Lee: Wow, How do you have any free time?
Date: Well I can set my own hours. Which is good because my daughter takes up a lot of my time.
Lee: Oh you have a Kid?
Date: Yup she is my angel. She is the only good thing to come out of my marriage.
Lee: Ouch. I have had a few friends go through divorces. They can be rough.
Date: Well we’re not divorced.
Lee: Oh, are you in the middle of getting divorced?
Date: Nope, I just kicked him out. If he wants a divorce he can get one!!!
I’m on a date with a married woman? WTF!?!
At one point several mutual friends showed up to the bar.
Date: Oh damn!!!
Date: Mickey’s Girlfriend is here.
Lee: So she doesn’t like me and I don’t want to get Mickey in trouble if I decide to flash the bar again.
Wow, I did not know that was one of the options for the night... wait does that mean my friends have seen my dates boobs before I have???
Eventually one of their mutual friends cornered Lee and asked him how it was going.
Lee: I don’t think we are right for each other.
Friend: Is it the kid thing?
Lee: No actually I’m ok with the kid thing. It’s the husband thing, it’s the flashing the bar thing and it’s the she thinks I’m ugly thing.
Friend: Yeah, the husband is kind of an ass. I can’t believe they still live together.
Lee: They what?
Friend: Oh I thought you knew. They broke up but the 2 of them have been keeping it a secret from their kids.
Lee: Kids? I thought she only had one.
Friend: She does. He has 2 from some other girls, that’s why they broke up.
Lee: She lives with her ex husband, but they aren’t really divorced. She takes care of 3 kids but only one is hers the rest are his from when he cheated on her with 2 other women.
Friend: Yeah, I think she only stays there because his mom owns the house they all live in.
Lee: The Grandmother lives there too?
Friend: Yep. You know I had told her she should get out the house and then find a nice guy like you. Apparently she wants to do it backwards.
Lee: Honestly, the only good thing about this date is I might be able to pitch her life as a reality show.
Since I started The Hook Up I get into a lot of conversations about bad dates. One time there was a group of about 8 people, some who had met for the first time, others were old friends and when it got to be my friend “Grimm’s” turn this is the Story he told:
“OK You guys are not going to believe this but this guy I know “John” is a total loser and he told me about this. I could not believe he would admit to it, but why would anyone make this up. So John meets this girl at a party and they hit it off well and she invites him back to her place.”
“I don’t remember the girls name but John says she was beautiful and that they were having such a great time that he thought that he may get lucky.”
“They go back to her apartment and he realizes that something he ate just went through him and he has to use the bathroom. Now every guy has been in this situation, where they have to take the gamble and use a girls bathroom or cut the date short cause that is not really the first impression you want to make on a woman. Especially since you really don’t know the nature of the beast till you are sitting on the throne. That being the case John decides to risk it.”
So it seems this plumbing was not ready for John because he overflows the toilet. Now John starts freaking out. He grabs towels to stop the water while he looks for a plunger which apparently the girl doesn’t own. She has 50 different soaps and shampoos but no plunger. Rather than man up and tell the girl what happened he locks the bathroom door, lays a bunch of towels down and climbs out the bathroom window.”
At this all of us started saying “Bull!”, “No one would do that!” and “Come on!” All of us except “Jane” who says “No it’s true.”
“How do you know?” I asked
“Cause I paid over 600.00 to have everything fixed. After I had my neighbor break down the door.”
When I started The Hook Up I knew I wanted to add stories too. So I reached out to friends to tell me about funny date stories they have had. Some were a little too creppy to use but some were some awesome gems. Like the one below.
John went out with Jane. They met in Queens and took a cab to Manhattan, when they got there Jane started arguing with the cabbie, who was a 6’5 nigerian, and Jane is a 5’2″ white girl. John being a gentleman has already agreed to pay for the cab. Yet Jane continues to fight with the cabbie that the price is too expensive, John tries to tell her don’t worry about it, and she starts yelling at the cabbie some more. John thinking the best thing is to just get out of the cab comes over to her side and gets her out of the cab. Standing by the drivers side yelling at the cab driver is not enough for Jane, so she pulls back and clocks the cabbie in the face!
That’s right she punched the cabbie and is trying to jump in the drivers side window to get some more licks in.
James pulls her off, throws $40 at the cabbie, and the cabbie is nice enough to not hit a woman back, so leaves. Needless to say, there was no Second date.
As always the names have been changed to protect me from slander... or is the web liable? Either way don't sue.
Ok I have started to develop another Comic strip idea and I am looking to the Web for inspiration. The new strip will focus on dating and relationships. As much as I enjoy writing@ The 8 Spot there are few chances to get into relationships. While i do get to dip into those themes sometimes I wanted to do something a little more about relationships.
I will also be telling date & hook up stories to go with the hook up strips. Here is an early one. It’s not exactly a date story but I think it’s funny.
So a few years ago I was in a wedding party in upstate new york. I have no idea where exactly all I do know was that except for my blood related family I was the only person of color for at least a half hour. So this was one of my first weddings where I was in the wedding party and I had heard that weddings make women horny so I’m thinking great maybe I can hook up.
Than I find out I have to be there the night before because the wedding party has an entire bed and breakfast rented out. So the night before the wedding there are about 10 to 15 of us hanging out guys and girls. All the parents, and kids who are to young, have gone to sleep whle we were hanging out at the hall where the reception will be held. It was on the same property as the bed and breakfast and the Groom had gotten keys. So there we are dancing, drinking and just having a good ole time. When one of the guys mentions going to the lake, maybe do some moonlight skinny dipping. I wasn’t sure till this cute brunette named Meredith comes up to me and says “come on it will be fun.” So like most guys who think with there penises I said “sure why not.”
Now I am not a heavy drinker but I had a few glasses of wine and it gave me the courage to be a little smoother than I usually am. We get down to the lake and I think Meredith and I are hitting it of fine. By fine I mean that I think I am going to get some. Since the only light out is moonlight no one sees that we are making out in our own corner.
Now I don’t have many rules when it comes to women but most of mine are non-debatable. One Safe sex is a must, I don’t know you that well I don’t care if you say it’s ok I am using a condom.Hell even with some of the girls I have known long time I will use a condom just to be safe. Second I don’t care if you have a boy friend but if you are married I am not messing with you. I will never cheat, but if a girl wants to get her freak on with me and she has a boy friend that is not my problem but the minute she is married she is off the market. I will never contribute to the destruction of a marriage. Third no one under 18... that’s not really my rule it’s something the government came up with.
Anyway Meredith seemed ready and she says lets go for a walk I quickly check for my wallet and realize that I left my wallet in my bag, in my room. which wouldn’t be a big deal except that’s where I had my condoms. I tell her give me 5 minutes I need to just get some protection. She says “hurry Back.” and that’s exactly what I do, but apparently 4 minutes was too long for her, because she has gone missing. I ask around casually and one girl goes “Oh Meredith probably went into the woods with Tony.”
“Yeah, Tony is Meredith’s Ex.”
“I just hope that Bobby doesn’t find out tomorrow.”
“Who is Bobby?”
Yes Meredith was married.I felt like the biggest piece of S**T. I decide to finish of several bottles of wine not a smart thing for a man who doesn't normally drink a lot.
The next day at the wedding I only really remembered 2 things. Sweating out the alcohol while wearing a tuxedo in the hot June sun. And Bobby..
Bobby was wearing a Charles Manson t-shirt to a wedding. Granted he did not actually attend the ceremony just showed up to pick up Meredith but it made an impression.
btw the names and relationships have been changed. To protect the innocent... and me. Hopefully Bobby never reads this.